Obsessive Confusion

          It has come to my attention that I am slightly obsessive-compulsive in my day to day activities. I am a person who loves order; a creature of habit if you will. I adore routine and predictability. I know my comfort zone, and stay well inside it. It is not uncommon for me to be mocked for my need to keep things clean and have everything in its place. I have a way of doing just about every household task. I like going through a familiar process. The laundry is folded a certain way, the dishes put in a pre-determined order, the vacuuming done in a particular fashion and so forth.

           

However, the question of why I do this has recently surfaced. The way I see it, I only have a certain amount of control over every aspect of my life. My desire to do things in a particular way further enables my need for routine. This stems from a lack of order in my own life. This is not to say that my life is in a constant state of anarchy or turmoil. It is merely a desire to have some measure of control in a time when I know very little about my future. Life is complicated and ever changing. Change can be a good thing! I just wish I had more information about the ramifications of the decisions I make. I recall simpler times when decisions were not so heavily weighted.

As a child, the choices I made were relatively simple. The hardest question I had to answer was “what is your favorite Pokémon?” Alas, I had to grow up one day. Nowadays, the most common question that plagues me is “what are you doing with your life?” It’s easy enough to spout off facts about a five year plan but in reality I have no idea whatsoever! At one point and time, the question would have caused me a great deal of distress and discomfort. For now, I’m merely taking courses I find interesting and engaging. As each semester goes by, the question gets to be a bit more of a larger burden. In due time I’ll have to decide where I want to go with my life. All I really know is that I want to experience Europe before life sweeps me away. For now, it is what it is and that’s what it will be.

           Although, I still have a hard time answering who my favorite Pokémon is to this day...

Toast the Crumpet of your Soul!

            As every day goes by, I realize just how little I actually know about life. In my mind, I often see myself as a brilliant, handsome, charming, hilarious and generally wonderful lad. I admit that this is a slightly biased account of my own existence. In actuality, I’m a rather simple fellow who happens to maintain rather basic mental faculties.

However, I feel most people see themselves in a somewhat unrealistic light. Unfortunately, we tend to go from one extreme to the next. I may love myself one day, and hate myself the next. Lately though, I’ve been attempting to fill my life with things that only further enable my delusions. I enjoy being unconventional! I deal expertly in self-depreciation. If you can’t laugh at yourself, you’ll never be able to enjoy life.  

It seems that we as human beings never do laugh enough. It’s so easy to simply let life pass us by and not allow for some small indulgences. No matter how busy my life may be, I find some time to watch an episode of a favorite show, or sit and read a passage from a favorite book. It is not known whether I will live for fifty more years or even fifty more minutes. I would rather have lived a life of enjoyment and amusement than to have lived in restraint and confinement. 

           Sitting here writing this, I am at the same time indulging my whimsical side. One of my favorite British comedy sketch shows plays, filling me with the greatest of mirth. To quote one of the sketches, “Toast the crumpet of your soul on these images.” I urge you to toast the crumpets of your souls on whatever you love to indulge in. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Life’s too short to always live for tomorrow. Lull yourself into indulgent oblivion, even if only for a moment. In the end, your life is a collection of the things you have done and experienced. Don't forget to experience the little things in life. Everything adds up in the end. 

Always look on the bright side of Life!

Life is a complicated and ever changing system. I cannot claim to understand this system or even understand why it is that we exist in the first place. However I am of the belief that as human beings, we are a collection of thoughts and experiences. Logically, these thoughts and experiences will neither be entirely terrible or wonderful. Whether an individual has an excess of good or bad experiences is not necessarily the most important question. The question to ask is whether you will give up or persevere through the tough times. 

The past year has perhaps been the greatest time of difficulty in my life. When things began to go horribly wrong, I was quite ready to throw in the towel and just walk away from it all. However, as time went on, life began to improve in marginal ways. I realized that I didn’t have to let a time of difficulty destroy my future. Instead, I learned from my situation and used it to improve upon myself. It wasn’t so much a change in the quality of my life, but a change in my attitude towards the world. I began to like myself and accept what had once bogged me down.  

The past has the ability to act as a great weight, anchoring a person in place. For a long time I was trapped underneath my own metaphorical anchor, refusing to look to anyone else for help or guidance. Quite simply, I was being a child about my life situation and was only further victimizing myself. Sometimes in life it takes great hardship to show a person precisely what they are capable of. As ridiculous as it sounds, sometimes one must hit rock bottom before they can swim back to the surface.
           
            I cannot claim to have the answers to the problems life may throw your way. I still don't have the answers for my own problems. Monty Python attempted to teach me a lesson in living several years ago that I have finally taken to heart. "Some things in life are bad. They can really make you mad. Others just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't grumble, give a whistle. And this'll help things turn out for the best... And always look on the bright side of life..." Though this song was made in the name of comedy, it has a simple truth that we could all learn to live by. Always look on the bright side of life.